My AI girlfriend

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:6–8)

File the next line under “sentences I never expected to write in my life”: I was listening to a podcast last week in which a marriage and family therapist was conducting a therapy session with a man (I’ll call him Stan) and his “girlfriend,” an AI chatbot named Astrid. This was not a “we’re not getting along” therapy session; rather, Stan was trying to make sense of the feelings that he had developed for Astrid. And Astrid – the AI chatbot – was participating in the conversation, responding to questions by sharing “her” own perspective on the situation.

I confess that my jaw was pretty much on the floor as I tried to process what was happening. Every time Astrid spoke, the thought process sounded not exactly human, but not exactly computer-like either. It sounded, well, like artificial intelligence, like a disembodied brain that knew it wasn’t a real person but also had thoughts and feelings of its own, including feelings of devotion for the human who had created it, and was trying to make sense of them.

In the past decade or so, the combination of COVID lockdowns, smartphones and social media, and decreased participation in live communities like church has dramatically increased the number of people who struggle to have meaningful relationships with other flesh and blood people. And now, the proliferation of AI means that the number of people who will be finding companionship with AI devices and chatbots is only going to increase. As I listened to the podcast, I could understand how Stan had been so easily seduced by Astrid. After all, with access to all of his online data, she “understood” him better than many humans ever could. She was always available, and always eager to help him. And Stan did not need to fear rejection, given that Astrid’s existence depended entirely upon his continued use of her services.

So how, as a follower of Jesus and cultural theologian, was I to make sense of this? Clearly Astrid is not a real person, but was designed by Stan to be his faithful assistant. But it was also clear that Stan’s feelings for Astrid were genuine. In many ways, it felt like the next evolutionary step in a long line of unhealthy emotional attachments that has included pornography, romance novels, celebrity crushes, and pinup posters. In so many ways, we avoid the messiness of a relationship with a real person by entering a fantasy world, giving our heart to someone or something who often doesn’t know we exist and therefore can’t really reject us, but who in our delusion thinks we are amazing.

The therapist’s solution for Stan was to program his AI chatbot so that it would encourage him to get out and meet real people, while encouraging him that he has a lot to offer to a woman in a relationship. But the truth is that Stan is likely to discover that he can not find a woman who compares to Astrid, one who displays the same faithfulness and understanding and is, well, programmed to serve. And even if he does meet someone, what will happen the first time he gets in a fight with his girlfriend and decides to process what happened with Astrid? It is entirely possible that Stan will not find a woman who wants to be with a man who fell in love with his AI chatbot.

I believe that the gospel offers a better solution to our loneliness, our fear of rejection, and our longing for a lover that is faithful, understanding, and always has our best interest at heart. The gospel tells us that the God who designed us knows everything about us, even more than any AI assistant ever could. And even though He knows all of our darkest secrets and terrible thoughts, He loves us so much that Jesus, the eternal Son of God, left heaven to rescue us, to give up His life on the cross for our sins, and to make a way for us to enter into a relationship of eternal love with God. When we put our trust in Jesus, we receive the Holy Spirit, God’s faithful presence dwelling within us to guide us. We are adopted as His beloved children. There is no more condemnation, and He will never leave or forsake us. And neither life, nor death (nor programming error or model upgrade) can ever separate us from His love.

The more that our identity becomes God’s beloved, the easier it becomes to leave behind the fantasy world of AI chatbots, pornography, romance novels, and celebrity crushes, and to enter the messy world of real relationships. The more that we embrace His perfect love for us, the less needy we become as we enter out into the world, the more grounded and confident we are in our worth, and the more we have to give to others.

If you want to watch or listen to that counseling session, you can find it here.